The Lull

by Renee

It’s been a long old while since I was last on here – I’ve missed it. These days, I am definitely not in a very good place. In the MB classes, I think this is what they called ‘The Lull’. Being a person of action, I don’t do lulls very well. I hate being stuck in a rut. I get impatient and frustrated. There are spurts of tears and flashes of anger. The smallest things get on my nerves. I beat myself with a stick (very well, too). I’m exhausted and fed up with this. I just want my usual self back.

I think I’m at a crossroads and I don’t quite know what to do.

It’s hard to admit and do, but I think I need to be kind to myself. To give myself permission to do certain things. It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to not have a clue what to do. It’s actually okay to get angry (I don’t deal with anger very well – it makes me most uncomfortable and it is inevitable that I feel guilt and shame after my anger makes itself known).

Perhaps I need to take a trip within and face up to myself. I need to focus and count my numerous blessings. C’mon, Ren – pull your socks up!

On a more positive note, I can feel autumn in the air. The mornings are cool and crisp. It’s almost time for colourful hats, scarves and gloves – yay! I love the fall. In preparation, Sven made a log store for us…soon it will be time to use the woodburning stove and curl up in front of it under a big blanket!

Here’s hoping that I’m in a better frame of mind the next time I post. Love and blessings to all of you!