Accepting the dark side

by Renee


Recently, I’ve been coming face to face more often with my dark side. Perhaps it’s the hormones, or perhaps I am just simply tired, tired, tired. In any case, it’s easier to feel sorry for myself and wallow in negativity. It’s easier to lose my temper and focus on my disappointments and ‘failings’. It’s not attractive at all. In fact, I really don’t like having to deal with this side of me. It’s ever so draining. I sometimes fear I am turning into one of those people I avoid – ungh.

Yet, it keeps happening so the Universe must be trying to teach me a lesson. I feel like my daughter is holding a mirror up to me with her tiny, beautiful hands – ‘Look – there you are mom! Warts and all – and I still love you for it’.

The other day, I was reading her a story and she was just looking at my face with love and awe. Such humbling love and acceptance, it almost made me weep.

So yes, I have to accept all of myself. Yes, I do miss my sunshiney, positive side very much and I wonder where she’s gone to on holiday. Sometimes I feel scared and overwhelmed by all this emotional, mental and physical transition. What if I don’t like this new person I am becoming? It is hard to hang in there. It’s so much easier to be hard on myself and pick fault.

Still, as I forge into my year of acceptance, I must make like Anakin Skywalker and be bold enough to embrace my dark side, too, so that I can accept and love all of me and work with it the best way I can.